Porcupines are Deadly
Welcome! It’s another Friday, September 5, 2008, and you know what that means! As with all September 5th, 2008s that fall on a Friday, it’s porcupine movie scripts day! Hooray!
You can read the complete shooting draft of the screenplay below, or you can down the PDF script of Porcupines are Deadly, 100% free of charge and guaranteed to work in all weather environments — tropical storms, hurricanes, volcanoes, and earthquakes excepted.
PORCUPINES ARE DEADLY
EXT. PARK - DAY
A whole bunch of people are standing around on the top of a
grassy hill in their local park. All of a sudden, with no
warning whatsoever, one of them speaks.
BLUEMAN
I like porcupines.
REDMAN
That's stupid, porcupines will stab
you with their spines.
ORANGEMAN
How would they stab you with their
spines, do they peel the skin off
of their backs, sharpen one of
their vertebrae, and then stab you
with that?
REDMAN
Shut up, now I hate you even more
than I hate porcupines.
BLUEMAN
I still like porcupines, I don't
care what kinds of crazy things
they do with their spines.
REDMAN
You should care, porcupines are the
silent killers of the sea.
ORANGEMAN
I don't think porcupines can even
swim.
REDMAN
Shut up, now I hate you even more
than Orangeman, who I just recently
started hating even more than
porcupines.
ORANGEMAN
I am Orangeman. Orangeman and I
are one and the same.
REDMAN
Shut up.
For several seconds nobody says anything. High up in the
sky, a porcupine-shaped cloud slowly drifts over their heads.
BLUEMAN
I like raspberries.
ORANGEMAN
Don't you start with your raspberry
foolishness!
Blueman has no choice but to walk away, rejected, dejected,
and projected, but at least he wasn't ejected from the park
against his will.
INT. BLUEMAN'S LIVING ROOM
Blueman walks through the door, still looking dejected after
his harsh thrashing at the hands of the other mens' hands.
His pet gerbil was waiting for him on the living room couch,
and is excited beyond belief now that he's home.
BLUEMAN'S GERBIL
Yay! Home you now! Ok food!
BLUEMAN
Aren't you a cute little porcupine,
with your words and your
hungriness. You'd never stab me
with your spine, would you?
BLUEMAN'S GERBIL
(stunned)
What-- How-- Who told you?
The gerbil, unsure how Blueman came to discover his secret
spinal plans, has no choice but to bolt out of the room.
Seconds later the back door slams and car wheels screech in
the driveway.
BLUEMAN
(to no one in particular)
Oh. Well, so much for my character
judgement. I thought he was a
harmless little porcupine, but all
this time he was planning to murder
me in my sleep with his spine. I
guess it's true what they say...
Orangeman and Redman poke their heads in through the window,
and say, simulatenously:
ORANGEMAN
Life is like a box of wine: you
never know if you're supposed to
drink it or put styrofoam in it!
REDMAN
Life is like a box of wine: you
never know if you're supposed to
drink it or put styrofoam in it!
INT. GERBIL HEADQUARTERS - NIGHT
Hundreds of gerbils, plotting. Maps of attack along the
walls. Endless rows of computer screens crunching data. X
rays of their spines to assess their vertebra-sharpening
progress. They work silently, deadly and efficient. One of
them may have been compromised, but he was just a drop in the
bucket of gerbils. There are many more where he came from,
all as evil and deadly as Blueman's.
They will destroy us all.
FADE TO BLACK.
Tags: conspiracy, gerbils, Movie Scripts, porcupines