Now that we’re most of the way through January, I thought it was appropriate to welcome you to the new year, and new decade (if that’s your kind of thing.) You never want to do these welcomes too early; some religions find it highly offensive to mention the new year too close to the actual changing of the year. I don’t understand all of the theological implications myself, but I’m assured that they have real and valid points which could cause the end of the world as we know it if we’re not careful about these things.

But at any rate, it’s safe now. Welcome to 2010! This year should be filled with candy corn, cotton candy, and acesulfame potassium. I expect a handful of tiger attacks, as well, but for now I’ll just pretend that there’s no such thing as tigers, because I just don’t want to deal with thinking about them on a sunny day like today.

Speaking of the sun, I hear it’s supposed to last through the entire year without creating a single black hole or supernova. Way to go, Sun! We love you so much, we baked you a cake.

I hope there isn’t anyone out there in the peanut gallery asking for pie instead of cake. Even if you’re Adam Corrolla, 2010 is still the Year of the Cake. Pie is so 1994 that I don’t even know what to say to you. Get a good cake, fill it with chocolate flavoring, acesulfame potassium, and acai berry, and you’re sure to be the hit of any party. If you dared to bring in an acai berry pie, you’d get laughed out of the party and most likely hanged from the nearest tree. I’m just trying to keep you alive with my cake recommendations.

I should get my own Food Network show, “Desserts That Will Keep You Alive (Until You Die From Diabetes)”. In fact, you know what? I’m just going to create that show and put it on the air, and if the Food Network executives don’t like it, well, they can just find another job, buster. My show will revolutionize dessert throughout the world, ending poverty and hunger, and curing both cancer and leprosy. I shall be worshiped as a god. Worship me now! Bow down before me and eat my delicious cake!

Tags: 2010, Adam Corrolla, cake, dessert, January, pie, religion, sun

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 20th, 2010 at 5:54 am and is filed under General. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.