It’s another boring day on your log. You’re floating down the river, same as always. Water to the left of you, water to the right of you. Water behind you, a gigantic wormhole in front of you. Same old thing.

Wait, no, that’s not right. You usually don’t have wormholes in front of you. It’s usually more water, just like on every other side of you. In fact, you can’t remember ever having seen a wormhole out here on the river. Hmm, that’s unexpected indeed.

> examine wormhole

The wormhole looks like something out of a movie about wormholes. It’s chock full of science fiction effects and whooshing stuff.

> examine whooshing stuff
(taking the whooshing stuff first)

You can’t take the whooshing stuff inside the wormhole.

> i

You are carrying:
a book on log identification
bleach

> dissolve wormhole

What do you want to dissolve the wormhole with?

> bleach

You pour some of your bleach on the wormhole. The wormhole skips and sputters a little bit, but that’s all that happens. All of its whorls are fully intact and seem to be functioning to full capacity.

> find a pig

You find a pig hidden inside of your log.

> take pig

Taken.

> throw pig into wormhole

The pig squeals in terror and clings to your shirt with all of its might. It’s not going to let you throw it in there, not when it’s still a fully formed wormhole that might transport it to who-knows-what weird galaxy on the other side of the universe.

> reason with the pig

You try to explain that to the pig why it needs to travel through the wormhole, but its squeals of indignation indicate that it’s not believing you. He’s staying right here, thank you very much.

> give book to pig

The pig isn’t interested in your book about identifying different types of logs.

> clean pig
(with the bleach)

The pig is now sparkling clean.

> throw pig into wormhole

The newly cleaned pig gladly soars through the air. Now that he’s clean, he’s much less embarrassed about being seen in public by strangers. As everyone knows, pigs try to keep to themselves when they’re dirty.

As the pig hits the wormhole, he disappears. The wormhole thinks for a few seconds, and then spits out a tray of seafood back to you in appreciation. The wormhole then vanishes.

> examine seafood

The seafood is a form of space sushi made from the kindliest piranhas you’ve ever seen.

> eat sushi

Yummy!

You have won. Congratulations!

Empty Field

You are standing in an empty field. All around you are butterflies, but they don’t count because they’re mostly transparent butterflies. To your east is a gravel trail, and to your north is a log cabin that appears to be deserted.

There is a rainbow here.

> examine rainbow

It looks like your typical rainbow, filled with colors and fruit candy.

> take fruit candy

You can’t take the fruit candy from the rainbow!

> eat rainbow

The rainbow’s leprechaun guards jump out and prevent you from harming the rainbow. You’ll need to figure out a way around them to do that.

> e

Gravel Path

You’re on a gravel path that seems to twist and turn in all directions, leaving you completely confused about which direction you came from and which direction you’re headed. On first glance the path seems to continue to the east, but there’s a good chance that’s just an optical illusion. These crazy paths with their strange directions.

> e

End of the Road

No, it wasn’t an optical illusion, the path really did continue to the east. You’re at the end of the road. Trees block your progress in all directions except back to the west.

A book is here.
A yellow key is here.

> take book

Book: taken.

> examine book

The cover says that it’s called “The Art of Gravel Polishing”

> learn to polish gravel

I don’t know how to do that!

> read book

It’s a nice try, but your eyeballs fall out every time you try to read the book. Perhaps there’s another way of learning what it says without risking permanent damage to your eyes?

> take key

Yellow key: taken

> w

Gravel Path

> w

Empty Field

> unlock rainbow
(with the yellow key)

There doesn’t seem to be any way to do that!

> xyzzy

Nothing happens.

> really?

Yes, really.

> that’s weird.

I know, you probably expected some magical unicorn rainbow thing to happen.

> examine unicorn rainbox

There’s nothing special about the unicorn rainbow.

> win the game

You have won!

You have a score of 50 out of a possible 50!